Too Late.
Too Tired.
Too Busy.
Too Young.
Too Old.
That last one is starting to get me these days. I turn 50 this year. How this happened, I have no clue. I clearly remember planning my mom’s 50’th birthday and it doesn’t seem all that long ago. The thing that really sucks about this age is I don’t FEEL 50. But, what does that mean, really, to FEEL 50? I thought about that today…what are my pre-conceived notions about what it means to turn the big Five – Oh? What is my definition of a fifty year old woman?
As I contemplated my question, I realized that I had a rather crappy idea stuck in my brain of what it meant to age; at least when it came to myself. I remember looking at my mother’s hands when we would stand in church…resting our fingers on the back of the pew in front of us. I thought, “Man, her hands are getting wrinkly.” Now, she was in her 30’s at the time – shows how ridiculous I was and how caught up I was in the societal worship of youth and beauty. One day about ten years ago, I was standing next to my teenage daughter…in church…my hands on the back of the pew in front of me. And guess what I saw. My mother’s hands stuck to the end of my arms! As I’ve grown, I thought I’d overcome that whole “Gross! I don’t want to get old” mentality. Apparently not. Oh, I know all the right things to say:
“Aging is a gift.”
“I earned every wrinkle and each gray hair.”
“As we get older we gain wisdom.”
But deep down…buried inside the recesses of my mind and gut, I still reeled from the belief that once you turn 40, your life was basically over. INSANITY!
Diving deeper into my thoughts on this topic, I remembered something I learned from my trips to Kenya. In that culture, the aged are honored…they’re revered. The elderly are not disregarded, pushed aside as family members that need to be “handled” or become a burden. The older generations are treated almost like royalty.
I remember, on my first trip in 2005, walking with a new friend from the village. He was telling me all about their culture, their traditions…as we walked, he stopped to introduce me to an older gentleman who was sitting peacefully outside of his mud-walled home. He described how I was to shake his hand: After a verbal greeting of the very basic “Jambo” (‘Hello’ in Swahili), you respectfully place your left the elder’s right wrist, then shake with your right. It’s a very subtle and gentle motion, but it shows honor for the elder you are greeting.
After our introduction, I noticed something about the ears of this man we were visiting. As I very delicately continued observing – I didn’t want to be caught staring at the sides of his head – I noticed that there was a mound of skin looped around each ear. After we said our goodbyes, I asked my friend why his ears were like that? He said that in the older generations, and as a tribal practice, people would cut their earlobes and hang some sort of weight on them to cause them to stretch. As they grew older, the skin would continue drooping further and further towards the ground. The longer the earlobe, the more obvious their age group, and the wiser they were considered to be. It was a sign of how long they had been walking the earth; a visual cue to those around so as to know the level of respect and honor they were to be shown due to their age. I remember loving this so much. Coming from a culture that definitely does not value age, it was so refreshing. I soaked up every instance of a younger person feeling honored to be in the presence of someone older. Not once did I see anyone from an advanced generation disregarded. In fact, the opposite was true. They were searched out for guidance – ALL THE TIME…BY EVERYONE!! How amazing is that?
So, why is this rattling around in my brain these days? Obviously because I’m 4 months away from turning 50. YIKES! But, also, I’m in this weird transitional time of life. Believe me, I’m trying to handle it with style and grace…insert sarcastic laugh…but often find I fall short.
I’ve been battling the process of re-inventing myself now that my children are grown. They were my “Why”. They were what got me up in the morning from the age of 21 to 49. My oldest left home when I was 39 and the last one permanently left the nest one year ago. It’s been a decade of adjusting, preparing (or so I thought), and bracing myself. The problem is I didn’t actually know what I was bracing myself for. It’s like your first pregnancy, as you prepare to have the baby. You hear stories. You can imagine what it will be like. You even make decisions on how you will handle it and you’re absolutely certain it will go exactly as you expect right? Then the first real contraction hits and everything you thought you knew flies right out the window. That’s exactly what happened to me. I truly thought I had myself all prepared to let my kids move into the world. Every time I confidently told a friend, “I’m going to be prepared when my kids leave the nest. All it takes is some planning” I’m pretty sure I heard an audible laugh coming from above…I make God laugh on a regular basis, I’m convinced.
This past year I’ve adjusted to having no kids at home. It’s been messy, but I made it through.
Now? I’m wrestling with the voice that’s telling me, “You’re too old to start a new business.”
“It’s too late. You missed your chance.”
“There isn’t enough time. Your youth is behind you.”
Well, as you can see, I’m a quote junkie. I love finding little nuggets of motivation when I’m feeling defeated…searching for examples of others in the same boat to encourage me to move forward. I went exploring and found the standard list of successful people who finally hit their stride later in life. I’m sure this list isn’t new to many of you, but in light of feeling discouraged for the late start, I want to include it here (FYI – I don’t even know who some of these people are, but they’re people none-the-less, right? And let’s be real…there are probably millions of other “regular” people who made a difference or reached their dream later in life. Their stories just weren’t floating around on the internet.)
~ Henry Ford didn’t get rolling on the Ford Motor Company until he was 40. And the Model T came out 5 years later.
~ Martha Stewart was in her 40’s when she began writing her cookbooks and promoting her domestic living presence.
~ Ray Kroc was 52 when he began the McDonald’s chain of restaurants.
~ Sam Walton was 44 when he opened his first Walmart
~ Julia Child was 51 before she had gained enough knowledge to host her first “The French Chef”.
~ “Colonel” Harland Sanders FAILED at age 65 when he opened his first fried chicken restaurant. His social security checks helped support the next venture that turned into what we know as “KFC – Kentucky Fried Chicken”.
~ Vera Wang didn’t enter the fashion industry until she was 40 years old.
~ Dawn M. Blackman Sr. turned her hobby of gardening into a way to serve the community. At 55, she created the Randolph Street Community Garden in Champaign, Illinois. This project makes a huge impact on her community. The city is considered a food desert where it is extremely difficult to obtain fresh produce. Her dedication has provided nutrition to those around her and has also inspired future generations to invest in their communities, as well.
~ Duncan Hines was 55 when he wrote his very first review. And it wasn’t until he was 73 that his name was licensed by the company making cake mixes.
~ Samuel L. Jackson was 46 years old and recovering from drug addiction when he got his big break in the movie “Pulp Fiction”.
Ok, as I mentioned above, there must be millions of other stories of people finding their stride well into mid-life. This is what I choose to hold on to. This is where faith in myself MUST kick in. Each day I get a fresh start. Every morning I’m given a new opportunity to take steps toward my next big venture. My children are grown. That was a gift and an amazing success as far as I’m concerned. But that doesn’t mean I’m finished.
Let’s begin to change the way our American culture sees our elders. And let’s do that by changing how WE see OURSELVES as we move forward in time. If we degrade ourselves for the number of candles on our birthday cake, then we will never hit the point of those Kenyans I admired so deeply. I want to have those long earlobes that the younger generations see as a sign of wisdom (Not really, because, OUCH! But you get what I’m saying.) I want to be honored and embraced for all that I’ve seen and endured in my life. And to get that, I have to honor and embrace myself.
How about you? Are you limiting yourself because of how old you are? Do you catch yourself saying, “I can’t do that anymore, I’m too old.” Or, maybe it sounds more like, “I need to dress my age. I shouldn’t wear that shirt.” Wear the damn shirt!! Just like Cameron Diaz was quoted above, let’s reframe the way we talk about our aging. If we do that, maybe it will slowly start to catch on. Maybe we’ll find a new energy, a new path toward even more milestones in our life. Let’s make every day count, right up until we give our final bow. Because it’s NOT too late. We AREN’T too old. And if you’re too tired, then take a quick nap, get up, and do it anyway!!!
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Kim Smith is a Certified Integrative Health Coach who lives in the San Gabriel Mountains with her husband of 30 years. She offers private health, nutrition, and weight loss coaching, as well as stress management training, and support for autoimmune disease and chronic illness patients. She will be releasing her monthly Membership Site in January, 2022. This site will provide multiple resources and guidance, helping the member explore all areas of life in order to find balanced health and a renewed sense of joy. Visit her website listed below for more information.
For more information on the programs she offers, visit her website at http://www.resetihs.com
You can also contact her at (951) 634-1100 or email at kim@resetihs.com
The Third Quarter 